Matt
by mattman-SP
Summary: When yet another new kid moves to South Park, the boys try to find a way to get rid of their narcisistic new classmate. South Parktion #101, hopefully the first of many.


**ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS FANFICTION-EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE-ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. ALL "SOUTH PARK" CHARACTERIZATIONS ARE IMAGINED... POORLY. THE FOLLOWING FANFICTION CONTAINS COARSE LANGUAGE AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED BY ANYONE_**

"Okay class," said Mr. Garrison as the bell rang, "take your seats. Today, we have a new student here in the fourth grade class."

"Goddammit," complained a boy in a blue and red poofball hat. "Another one?" Stan continued. "This is like, the tenth one this week. South Park doesn't have THAT many available houses."

"Please give a warm welcome to your new classmate, Matt," said Mr. Garrison as a boy about ten stepped into the classroom. He had messy black hair and wore a green hoodie with blue jeans and white shoes. "Matt, why don't you tell us about yourself?"

"Uh, hi," said the kid nervously. "I'm Matt. I just moved here from DC. My dad got a job in Denver so my family moved here. I enjoy art and video games, and just recently I started watching the Terrence and Phillip show."

"Finally, someone who isn't a chick! I'm tired of that bitch Sue!" shouted the obnoxious, loud mouthed, fat Eric Cartman.

"Well how about that class? Someone who doesn't have a gay, dark backstory!" congratulated Mr. Garrison. "You aren't a narcisist are you?"

"A narciwhat?"

"Ok Matt, go sit near Kenny."

Matt walked over and sat near the poorest kid in school, Kenny McCormick, who could only afford one outfit-his signature orange parka, which he always wore tightly over his head so you could only see his eyes.

"(Hey there,)" said Kenny, his voice muffled under his parka.

"Hi. Say, do you happen to know where the welcoming party is?" asked Matt.

"No, there isn't a welcoming party. Sue expected one too. Don't be a bitch like her," said Kyle, slightly irritated that the new kid was already expecting a goddamn red carpet or something. Chef had always said something about red carpet before he died, and Kyle was certain he was referring to kids like Matt.

"Okay class, now today we're going to learn about why Barbra Streisand is a total bitch..." began Mr. Garrison as he started to write on the chalkboard.

"I really hope this kid isn't going to end up being a complete asswipe." stated an annoyed Stan.

"Just give him a chance." said the boy's girfriend, Wendy Testaburger, who sat nearby.

Kyle agreed. "Like fatass said, it't not like he's that Sue bitch."

"Hey, how come girls aren't swarming me?" asked an honestly confused Matt.

* * *

Stan, Kyle, Butters, Kenny, and Cartman all sat on Stan's couch watching the Terrance and Phillip show. It was a two-parter in which Phillip and Scott the Dick teamed up to stop a show from airing an image of Muhammed.

"You know guy, I'm surprised you care so much about getting this episode pulled." Phillip said, slightly suspicious.

"Yes, soon, American Dad will be off the air." said Scott. He's a dick after all.

"Off the air? We just want to pull the one episode, buddeh!"

"You know, this seems kinda familiar. I can't really put my finger on it..." Kyle paused for a moment to think.

"Yeah, haven't they already done an episode on Muhammed? Like, back in 2002?" Stan said, while the others thought as well. stan's mother, Sharon, walked into the room.

"Stanley, I spoke with Matt's parents. He's coming over in half an hour to play with you and your friends."

"What? Mom, he's a douche!"

"I don't care if you think he's the biggest douche in the universe, he seems like a nice boy. What has he done besides expect a grand welcome?"

"Well... nothing, I guess."

Cartman got up. "Well, I'm not gonna hang around with that shittard. Screw you guys, I'm going home!" He walked to the door, opened it, and left for his house. A minute later, Matt walked up the steps. "Hey guys!"

"Man, what a faggot." said Butters. Surprised, everyone turned to look at him. "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. Now I'm gonna get grounded..." He too walked out the door to his house.

"I'd love to stay Stan, but me and Kenny have to do that group project Mr. Garrison assigned." Kyle and Kenny both bolted.

"...God dammit!" Stan nose-bridge-pinched.

**This was my first South Park fanfiction. I'm sorry this chapter is a bit short, the next one should be longer. This was written as a parody of all the OC crap that's been going on lately.**


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